Hot lady jokes

This guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. "Pint please," the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game, soon after the local team score a goal and the dog goes beserk dancing round the bar and doing back flips.
"Wow," the barmen says, clearly impressed. "What does he do when we win?" "I don't know, I've only had him five years" the man replies!

Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

Question: How is the male bee tell that one fly sitting on the tea cup to the female
bee?
Answer:ABCDE (Just think)
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Answer: You find footprints in your pudding!

Five tips for a woman...
It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
It is important that a man makes you laugh.
It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
It is important that these four men don't know each other!

Three old ladies arrive at heaven's gate. St. Peter: 'Have you been good?' First old lady: 'O yes, I went to church every day and never fooled around with men'. 'You shall be a morning star'. Second old lady: 'I went to church on Sundays and fooled around with men a little.' 'Then you shall be an evening star'. Third old lady,
defiantly: 'I must admit I went out with men a lot and had a lot of fun, too!' 'Then you shall be a comet, because a little bit of tail never hurt anyone.

Dog Jokes

A dog walks into a job centre and goes up to the woman at the desk. He says "hello,
I'm looking for work." The woman looks up, amazed, and says "Blimmin' hell, a
talking dog! Er, well, the circus is in town. I'll give them a ring."
The dog says "the circus? what the heck would the circus want with a plumber?" 

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful,
enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be
the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three, she decides to be kind and
tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an
imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and
cheese." 

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence
whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever.
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the
Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
"How about you, little guy?" 

The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell
Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the
Lab and says,
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

SANTA SING AND STUDENTS

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned
for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the
inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an
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english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa
Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation

Alphbet Jokes

Jokes for Kids
Which 3 letters of the alphabet make everything in the world move?
NRG (energy!)
Why is B very cool?
Because it is sitting in the AC!
What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi!
What letters did the boy say when he saw the empty table?
O-I-C-U-R-M-T!
What did A and B get in the music store?
A CD!
Which two letters are always jealous?
N-V!
What letter in the alphabet is always surprised?
The letter G!
What letter is always wet?
C!
Fred: There are only 11 letters in the alphabet.
George: No, there aren’t.
Fred: Yes, there are. T-H-E-A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
What begins with T ends with T and is filled with tea?
A teapot!
What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years?
The letter M!