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Thursday, 30 May 2013

Sexy Hindi Jokes/Chutkule

Sexy Hindi jokes/chutkule


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·  What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.

·  A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

·  Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!
·  Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai.
·  Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.
·  Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!
·  Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.
·  Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!
·  A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.
·  3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!
·  Little gypsy girl: Which way do my knickers go?
Her Mom: How many fucking more times do I have to tell u yellow to the front & brown to the back!
·  They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!
·  Text msgs are like a blow job from an amateur prostitute......short, sweet and cheap!
·  Mr & Mrs Blobby are lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 Mr Bloby & says: Bluba lluba lupblub.
Mr Bloby turns & says: Shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!
·  Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.
·  3 Facts of Life:
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.
·  One day the PENIS tells the balls: Tonight v r goin for a party!
The balls reply: U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!
·  Q: If a married woman is called Polo... The mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called?
A: Center Fresh.
·  Man: May l hv some condoms please. I'm giving my gal a gift tonight.
Clerk: Shall I gift wrap them?
Man: No, the condoms will serve as a wrapper for the gift.

·  Sex is good, sex is fine.
doggy style or 69,
just 4 fun or getting paid,
everyone loves getting laid,
so if u want me in the sack,
lick ur lips n text me back.
·  'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. 'One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.'
·  Mother: Do u know the meaning of Mangalsutra?
Daughter: Yes, it is the license to enjoy Kamasutra.
·  Q: What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?
A: They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet.
·  Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips?
A: One is for fighting and one is to make up.
·  Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai!
Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon!
Lady: Tujhe sab ne bola kya?
Bai: Nahin, driver bol raha tha!

·  A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is.
He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me.
Boy cries out: Don't eat it. It's a fucking asshole.
·  Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde ke peeche chup jati hai.
Husband: Kya hua?
Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai.
·  Son kills a butterfly.
Dad: No butter for 2 weeks.
Son kills a honeybee.
Dad: No honey for 2 weeks.
Mom kills a cockroach.
Son: Dad u tell her or should I?
·  Man: Bless me God! My son is drug addict, my daughter is a call girl, my wife is a gambler.
God: Is anything +ve in ur family?
Man: I'm HIV positive.
·  Unborn twins in the mother's stomach saw a penis.
1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai.
2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante.
·  Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele."
Imagine her tough luck, she was re-married to Mr. Marlow
·  Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon.
Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey?
·  Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language?
First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.
·  Man 2 wife on wedding night: R u sure that I'm the 1st man you have slept with?
Wife: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others.
·  Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
·  Playboy has started a special edition 4 married men. The same woman is featured every month.
·  A doc advising his patient who had a heart attack: No smoking, no drinking & hv sex only with ur wife because it is important that you avoid excitement.
·  Ek bahu saari raat paraaye mard ke saath sokar aayi lekin uski saas ne kuch nahin kaha, why?
Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!!
·  What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant.
·  'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven.
'One more thing that heats up instantly & goes off in 20 seconds.'
·  It has been determined that the most often sexual position for married couples is the doggie position!
The hubby sits up and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead!
·  Wife n Mobile:
Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai.
Dono hi naye achche lagte hai.
Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai.

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