Charlie Chaplin: Pay Day
About this Movie
Genres: Classics, Comedy
Language: English
Running time: 21:10
The Kid
About this Movie
Genres: Classics,Comedy, FamilyLanguage: English
Running time: 1:07:55
Monday, 20 February 2012
The Best Collection of "Charlie Chaplin"
The Charlie Chaplin Festival
About this Movie
Genres: Comedy, Classics
Language: English
Running time: 46:07
Paying Guests: The comedy Movie
About this movie
Genres: Indian Cinema, Comedy, Drama
Language: Hindi
Subtitles: English
Running time: 1:54:39
Jokes "take it as fun"
The Indian chief
An Indian chief has three wives. The first gives birth to a boy. Elated, the chief builds her a tepee of deer hide.
The second gives birth to a boy. Elated, the chief builds her a tepee of antelope hide.
The third wife gives birth, but the chief keeps the details secret. He builds her a tepee,
made of hippopotamus hide.
None of the tribe can guess what’s happened, until one brave suggests that the third
wife has had twin boys.
“Correct,” says the chief, “How do you know?”
“Simple,” says the brave, “The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the
sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”
A fat woman goes to doctors complaining that her husband has lost all interest in her.
The doc asks her to strip off and looks her up and down.
“Madam,” he says, “you’re going to have to diet!”
“Well OK, if that’ll get his interest back,” she says reluctantly “What colour works best?”
A teacher asks her class, “Who knows how to find the area of a right angle triangle?”
A voice from the back of the class shouts, “Miss, Miss, when did you loose it?”
A voice from the back of the class shouts, “Miss, Miss, when did you loose it?”
The Office
A manager notices a new employee.
“What’s your name?” asks the manager.
“John.”
“What’s your name?” asks the manager.
“John.”
“I don’t know where you’ve come from John,” scowls the manager, “but we don’t use first
names here. I prefer my employees to use their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker
etc. Now, what’s your last name?”
The new guy smiles, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
names here. I prefer my employees to use their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker
etc. Now, what’s your last name?”
The new guy smiles, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
some interesting jokes
The barbeque Blonde
A blonde goes into a local super-market with a disposable barbeque that she bought the day before. The picture on the carton shows loads of succulent food. When she gets to the customer service desk she starts complaining that there’s no food inside! The assistant patiently explains, “It’s a disposable barbeque tray. There’s supposed to be no food inside.” "OK. I understand." says the blonde. "One more question. Does that mean I can take the other one out of the freezer?”
The evil Sergeant
A guy is standing in line waiting to get his Army discharge papers. Suddenly the meanest sergeant in the regiment marches up to him and shouts, "Once your discharged, I bet you'll be waiting for me to die, so you dance on my grave?" "No Sergeant." Replies the private "When I get out of the Army, I’m never going to stand in line again."
The Perfect Mate
Three women are talking about their ideal of the perfect mate. The youngest says, "My perfect mate must be musical, tell jokes, sing, and keep me company in the long winter evenings" Her mother’s friend replies, "If what you’re looking for get a TV!"
Q: How do you know when the wife about to say something smart?
A: The sentence begins with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the cooker!
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women do?
A: Women never have their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which one should you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorcee.
Q: I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
A: Always.
Q: If a guy hasn't spoken to his wife for 18 months why is that?
A: He doesn’t like to interrupt her.
Q: What food seriously diminishes a woman's sex drive?
A: Wedding cake
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Quiz Time!
Question must see
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with
loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of
this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still
tell which water came from which jug?
4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you
throw it away?
5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
6. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out
what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was
wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though.
Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if
you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with
loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of
this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still
tell which water came from which jug?
4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you
throw it away?
5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
6. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious how quickly you can find out
what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was
wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though.
Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if
you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
Ready For The Answers?
1. The third. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry.
3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the
barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.
4. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson’s words:
“hmmmm...Barbecue.”
5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry.
3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the
barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.
4. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson’s words:
“hmmmm...Barbecue.”
5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
6. The letter “e”, which is the most common letter in the English language,
does not appear once in the long paragraph
does not appear once in the long paragraph
Few Q and A jokes
Q: What’s blue and fluffy?
A: Blue fluff.
Q: What’s green and stringy?
A: Green string.
Q: Why do doctors slap babies on the backside after they are born?
A: It knocks the dicks off of the stupid ones.
Q: How do you know when you’re on a budget airline?
A: If you ask the Captain how often their planes crash he says, “Just once.”
Q: How do you know when you’ve met the perfect girl?
A: She the one with a short shirt and no knickers.
A: Blue fluff.
Q: What’s green and stringy?
A: Green string.
Q: Why do doctors slap babies on the backside after they are born?
A: It knocks the dicks off of the stupid ones.
Q: How do you know when you’re on a budget airline?
A: If you ask the Captain how often their planes crash he says, “Just once.”
Q: How do you know when you’ve met the perfect girl?
A: She the one with a short shirt and no knickers.
Pregnancy Tips
Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Wait until it’s born.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s
totally irrational.
A: And your point is?
Q: Does pregnancy have any lasting effects on a woman’s figure?
A: No, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My midwife says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is
she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a hurricane might be called a strong breeze.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is
in labour?
A: Not unless you value your testicles.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Wait until it’s born.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s
totally irrational.
A: And your point is?
Q: Does pregnancy have any lasting effects on a woman’s figure?
A: No, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My midwife says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is
she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a hurricane might be called a strong breeze.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is
in labour?
A: Not unless you value your testicles.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)