Hot lady jokes

This guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. "Pint please," the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game, soon after the local team score a goal and the dog goes beserk dancing round the bar and doing back flips.
"Wow," the barmen says, clearly impressed. "What does he do when we win?" "I don't know, I've only had him five years" the man replies!

Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

Question: How is the male bee tell that one fly sitting on the tea cup to the female
bee?
Answer:ABCDE (Just think)
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Answer: You find footprints in your pudding!

Five tips for a woman...
It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
It is important that a man makes you laugh.
It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
It is important that these four men don't know each other!

Three old ladies arrive at heaven's gate. St. Peter: 'Have you been good?' First old lady: 'O yes, I went to church every day and never fooled around with men'. 'You shall be a morning star'. Second old lady: 'I went to church on Sundays and fooled around with men a little.' 'Then you shall be an evening star'. Third old lady,
defiantly: 'I must admit I went out with men a lot and had a lot of fun, too!' 'Then you shall be a comet, because a little bit of tail never hurt anyone.

Dog Jokes

A dog walks into a job centre and goes up to the woman at the desk. He says "hello,
I'm looking for work." The woman looks up, amazed, and says "Blimmin' hell, a
talking dog! Er, well, the circus is in town. I'll give them a ring."
The dog says "the circus? what the heck would the circus want with a plumber?" 

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful,
enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be
the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three, she decides to be kind and
tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an
imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and
cheese." 

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence
whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever.
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the
Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
"How about you, little guy?" 

The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell
Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the
Lab and says,
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”