Old Jokes

Chemistry Class

A chemistry professor wants to teach his students about the evils of alcohol. So he designs an experiment that involves a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, closely observe the worms," says the professor as he puts one in each liquid. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The worm in the whiskey writhes about in pain, then curls up and sinks to the bottom of the glass dead.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asks.
A wag at the quickly raises his hand and says, "If you drink whiskey and you won't get
worms."

Drinking buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs and get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and
yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?'... and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

The Fire truck

A fireman is working on an engine outside the station when he sees a little girl riding down the street. She’s in a little red fire engine with ladders on the side and a garden hose coiled in the middle. She’s wearing a fire fighter's helmet and her dog and her cat are pulling the wagon. The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"That’s nice fire truck," he says admiringly. "Thanks. Mister Fireman," the girl replies.The fireman notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Hey Partner," says the fireman, "If you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go a lot faster." The girl replies sweetly, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.”