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Wednesday 8 February 2012

Pregnancy Tips

Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Wait until it’s born.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s
totally irrational.
A: And your point is?

Q: Does pregnancy have any lasting effects on a woman’s figure?
A: No, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
A: Whatever she says divided by two. 

Q: My midwife says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is
she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a hurricane might be called a strong breeze.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is
in labour?
A: Not unless you value your testicles.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.

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