2015

Monday, 13 April 2015

Special Day

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband,

“I bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM,the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was

handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1

PM, a foil wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates

arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman

couldn't wait for her husband to come home

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress !" she

exclaimed. “I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

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Bigger Breasts

A couple has been married for many years, and one day the

man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts.

“But how am I going to get bigger breasts?” she asks.

“That’s simple”, he says, “Just rub your breasts with toilet

paper every day”.

“And that would do it?” the surprised wife wonders.

“Well,” answers the husband, “it sure did work on your behind"

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Rich Hooker

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida.

He had seen this hooker and he asked, “How much for a hand

job?”

The hooker replied, “100 Bucks.”

The man said “100 Bucks, that’s a lot of got damn money.”

So the hooker pulled him to the side and said, “See that

Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”

So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had

ever had.

The next day he sees her and asks, “How much for a head

job?”

She said, “200 dollars.”

“200 dollars, that’s a lot of money.”

She pulled him to the side and said, “You see that yacht by the

pier, I paid for that yacht by giving head jobs.”

So he gives her the money, and gets the best head job of his life

On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says ,

“The hand job was good, the head job was great, how much for

the whole package.”

“1000 dollars.’

“1000 dollars that’s a lot of god damn money.”

So she pulled him to side and said, “You see that island, I could

afford that if I had a vagina.”

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Watergate Honeymoon

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.

The bride is concerned, and asks, “What if the place is still

bugged?”

The groom says, “I’ll look for a bug.” He looks behind the

drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says,

"AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his

Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc

out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds,

“How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay

at the Watergate Hotel?”

The groom says, “Why are you asking me all of these

questions?”

The hotel manager says, “Well, the couple in the room UNDER

you complained that the chandelier fell on them.”
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Honesty
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She
was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty
soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began
to interview young lawyers.
“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of
the first applicants, "in a business like this our personal integrity
must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson,
are you an honest lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something
about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me $15,000
for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried
my very first case".
“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”
The lawyer squirmed in his sit and admitted, “He sued me for

the money”