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How to Survive

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" 

he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food,matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked
the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 

"Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

Traveling

A traveler is in the desert when he sees two local men castrating camels. One of the local’s backs the camel up to a guy holding two bricks. The guy holding the bricks then smashes them together to castrating the camel. After recovering from the sympathetic pain in his crotch the traveler walks over to the guy holding the bricks.
“Doesn’t that hurt?" He asks. "No, No,” replies the local, “as long as you keep your thumbs out of the way."

Three Friends

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde are talking one day.
The Russian says, "You know, we were the first in space!"
The American says, "Well, we were the first on the moon!"
To which the blonde replies, "That’s nothing, Blondes are going to be the first on the
sun!" The Russian and the American looks at each other and smile.
"You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!" says the Russian.
The Blonde replies, "Duh! We're not stupid! We're going when it’s night time!"