few funny jokes

A bloke walks into a pub and shouts, “Has anyone heard any royal rumors today?”
“I say,” says one of the customers, “I’ll be buggered if I repeat any of those...”

Two blokes are in the pub and ones says to his pal, “Do you know, all those stories about oysters being good for your sex life are total crap! I had a dozen last night and only eight of them worked.”

The bridge club
While a woman is waiting for the members of the bridge club to arrive she accidentally lets rip with a massive fart. The scent is unmistakable, so she fishes out a can of air freshener and hurriedly sprays the room.
Minutes later her pal arrives. Sniffing the air as she walks in the front door, she candidly announces, “Christ! What have you been doing in here? It smells like someone’s shit in a pine tree!”

HondaEvery time a guy farts the word Honda flutters from his arse. Going to the doctors he demonstrates the phenomenon, which doesn’t surprise the doctor in the slightest. The doctor simply asks the man to open his mouth where he finds a tooth abscess. The Doc quickly lances the abscess and the man’s problem is cured!
“That’s amazing,” says the patient. “How did you know what to do?”
“Simple,” says the Doc. “Everyone knows that an abscess makes the fart go Honda.”

The fancy restaurantA woman is sitting in a fancy restaurant with some friends when she let’s go a massive
fart. The waiter is standing behind her, so she loudly says,
“Waiter, will you please stop that!”
“Certainly madam,” says the waiter. “Which way did you sent it?”

Old timers
Two old timers are sitting on a bench watching the world go by on a warm spring day,
“You know,” says one of them, “I may be 75, but on a day like today, it feels great to be
alive. I feel like a newborn baby. How do you feel?”
His pal replies, “Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby as well. I’ve No hair, No teeth, and
I think I’ve just pissed my pants!”