Best and Funny Jokes

Best and Funny Jokes

Best and Funny Jokes (Jokes, Jokes, Jokes and Best Jokes)
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can
get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and 
said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,"How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and
said, "About three hours." The guy left. 

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long
before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said,
"About an hour only." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said. 
"Hey Bill, do me a favour, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps
asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come
back". A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The 
barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up,
tears in his eyes and said, "To your wife." 
//=====================================================================================================================================
A byte and an integer are sitting in a bar showing off to a hot ArrayList. They're telling her stories about how cool they are, but she's plainly bored out of her mind.

After a long time of this, the byte and the integer at last get the hint and leave.

A String who was sitting in the corner comes over and says to her, "hey - were those two primitive types giving you a hard time?"

She says, "Yes! I guess they're nice enough, but... well, they just had no class!"

//=====================================================================================================================================
A  man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded,  "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Jacob Zuma's ?" asked the man.

" Zuma's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

//=====================================================================================================================================

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing

his wife's arm.The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got

a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

 The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls

backover and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment

tomorrow too?"

//=====================================================================================================================================
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
> Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of 
> nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and 
> stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had 
> captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders 
> mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating,"
> her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
> "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is 
> a Mummy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the 
> joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear, both of 
> them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, 
> thought for a moment... then took her foot and stomped them flat. 
> "Well, we're not having any of that gay shlt in our garden"