Sunday, 8 September 2013

Hot dirty jokes

Hot Dirty Jokes

·  What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.
·  A friend like u is not like boobs coz everyone sucks them. Not like vagina coz it tears. You r like a penis coz it always stands when needed.

·  Happiness is like penis; always looks small if u hold it in ur hands but when u learn to share it, u'll realize how big & precious it is!

·  Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai.
·  Women r the best Engines: Accepts any size of Piston, are self Lubricating, start up with a Finger, automatic oil change every 4 week.
·  Man gives blood to save his girlfriends life. Later on they split up & man wants blood back. She throws a used tampon at him & says: Pay u monthly, u bastard!

·  Q: What's the definition of indefinitely?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you are in.....definitely.

·  Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!

·  A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

·  3 men sitting in a cafe, all wanking.
Waitress: What the fuck are you all doing?
One points to a sign that reads: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

·  Little gypsy girl: Which way do my knickers go?
Her Mom: How many fucking more times do I have to tell u yellow to the front & brown to the back!

·  They have found a new position in the Karma Sutra. It's called the 'plumber'...
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes!
·  Text msgs are like a blow job from an amateur prostitute......short, sweet and cheap!

·  Mr & Mrs Blobby are lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 Mr Bloby & says: Bluba lluba lupblub.
Mr Bloby turns & says: Shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!

·  Little Girl: Mom, I just found out that the boy next door has a penis like a peanut.
Mommy: U mean it's small?
Little Girl: No, it's salty.

·  3 Facts of Life:
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

·  One day the PENIS tells the balls: Tonight v r goin for a party!
The balls reply: U bloody fuckin liar, u always get inside while v r left outside!

·  Q: If a married woman is called Polo... The mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called?
A: Center Fresh.
·  To avoid condom related accident use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them if outer breaks she will know and if inner one breaks you will know!

·  Q: What is the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A: A fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.
·  Text messaging is like a blowjob off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!

·  Q: What's the definition of suspicion?
A: A nun doing press ups in a cucumber field.
·  A kiss is called humanity if its on cheek, love if on lips, passion if on breast, humor if on navel, sex if on vagina and called bravery if its on ass hole.

·  Q: What's a birth control pill?
A: It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.

·  Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?

·  Q: What's difference between cricketers n condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches n condoms catch the drops!
·  A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of refrences!
·  Wishing you a seductive & wonderful day licked by luv & penetrated by heavenly graces & may all your misfortunes be ejaculated!

·  If u have two balls between ur legs it means u r man.
If u have have four, it does not means that u r superman, iska matlab aapki koi ga#d mar raha hai.

·  Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration.
Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.
·  All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGARA has Front effect.

·  Q: What is the definition of "burning love"?
   A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks Vaporub by mistake.

·  Q: What is the height of shock?
   A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside!

·  A gal with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 fuck n asked: Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga?
   He wears a condom n says: Iske baad bhi hogaya to `Jadugar'.
·  Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

·  Sex is evil,
    Evil is sin,
    Sin is forgiven,
    So stick it in.
·  Luv is a sensation that is caused by temptation. The boy puts his location in the girl's destination. Do u get my                      explanation or wanna free demonstration?
·  Old chinese proverb says: "Man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok."
·  MEN-opause, MEN-strual pain, MEN-tal illness, GUY-necologist, HIS-terectomy. Ever noticed how women's problems start with men??
·  Sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny then fuck yourself and safe your money.

·  Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'Goods delivered are not returnable.'
Groom gave another note back to father: 'Contract void if seal is broken.'

·  He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppy disk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

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