Sunday, 8 September 2013

Hot Sexy joks

Hot Sexy Jokes

.  Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?

New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

·  Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?

Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!
·  UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.
·  A loving husband tattooed I LOVE U on his dick n showed it to his wife. She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"

·  What's the geographical definition of sex?

It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!

·  Bunny seriously objected to the nomenclature of VAGINA.

His objection: Iko cheez ta vajaan wali hai, teh ohnu kehande ne VAJAI NA !

·  A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?

A Moisturiser.
·  Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

·  What is pure Hindi name of Condom??

Rubber ki Chiknai yukt Prajanan virodhak mardana Ling ki topi.

·  Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.

Doctor: How do u figure that?
Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wet

·  A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.

Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don't hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts
·  Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out

·  Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?

A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour.
·  Sex poetry: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's not how many times u can make it rise. It's not how well it fits, but how late it spits
·  Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!

·  Kamra khushboo naal sajai baithe han, bed te navi chaddar bichayee baithe han,

Saadi deewangi tan dekho ohna ne raati auna hai te asi duphar de hi condom charai baithe han
·  The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only three men made appointments and, of those, one came on the bus and the other two missed the tube.
·  All eggs in women decided to fight against sperms. They waited with guns in the pussy. That night no one came. Suddenly 1 shouted: Hamla Peeche se hua hai...

·  What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?

Vicks Inhaler
·  When u don't know whether to luv or hate, when u r in confused state, don't feel and don't debate, just sit alone & ...... MASTURBATE
·  Whenever u feel low, depressed or useless, remember that u r the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.

·  Cricketer describing a nude girl:

There is no cover, there is no extra cover, there 2 silly points, 2 fine legs & a deep gully, with little grass on the pitch.

·  Man: May l hv some condoms please. I'm giving my gal a gift tonight.

Clerk: Shall I gift wrap them? 
Man: No, the condoms will serve as a wrapper for the gift.

·  Sex is good, sex is fine.

doggy style or 69,
just 4 fun or getting paid,
everyone loves getting laid,
so if u want me in the sack,
lick ur lips n text me back.

·  Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele."
Imagine her tough luck, she was re-married to Mr. Marlow
·  Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon.
Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey?
·  Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language?
First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.
·  Man 2 wife on wedding night: R u sure that I'm the 1st man you have slept with?
Wife: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others.
·  Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
·  Playboy has started a special edition 4 married men. The same woman is featured every month.
·  A doc advising his patient who had a heart attack: No smoking, no drinking & hv sex only with ur wife because it is important that you avoid excitement.
·  Ek bahu saari raat paraaye mard ke saath sokar aayi lekin uski saas ne kuch nahin kaha, why?
Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!!
·  What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant.
·  'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven.
'One more thing that heats up instantly & goes off in 20 seconds.'
·  It has been determined that the most often sexual position for married couples is the doggie position!
The hubby sits up and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead!

·  Wife n Mobile:
Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai.
Dono hi naye achche lagte hai.
Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai.

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