OH, What A Reply

 Do you deserve to enter heaven?

A man died and went to heaven. An angel met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, 'Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've examined your whole life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not sure whether we can admit you into heaven or not. Can you tell us anything exceptional you did that can help us make a decision?' The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, 'Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of goons. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him that he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!' 'I'm impressed,' The angel responded, 'When did this happen?' The man replied, 'About two minutes ago'.

Doctor to patient: "you will be completely cured if you give up playing the piano."  After the patient leaves, the nurse asked; "Doctor, What 's the connection between her illness and piano?"

She Lives in the apartment above mine," Doctor Replied.........

Wife to husband: "I ran out of money today, So I dropped by your office, but as you weren't at your desk, I took 1000 bucks out of the wallet in your jacket," 

"That's OK, honey, "said the husband. "I' ve been working in a different department for a month now,"

I had been invited to give a slide presentation to my daughter's third-standard class on my experiences when I lived and  worked in Egypt. When I projected the first slide, I explained; "These are the famous pyramids at Giza, located near Cairo, They were built around 2600 BC.

Does anyone know what the means?"

  One eager young fellow shouted out, "Before Computers" 

 

Arthur Field of Chichester, UK, was pleased with the lovely blouse he had bought his wife at their local Oxfam charity shop. As he gave it to her, proud that he knew her size and the style she liked ,she said, "yes,dear but I donated it to Oxfam yesterday."