SOME BEST OFFICE JOKES

A new business was opening, and a long-time friend of the owner decided to send flowers for the occasion. He arrived at the "grand opening", accepted a glass of champagne and a warm handshake from his host, then browsed about the room examining the many floral arrangements and potted plants. Finally, he happened upon his own offering, only to find an attached card bearing this sentiment: "Rest in Peace"
Embarrassed and irate at the florist's error, he phoned to lodge a complaint. After venting his anger in a lengthy tirade, he waited impatiently for the florist's explanation. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry....imagine this: Somewhere a funeral is taking place today, and they have a lovely floral spray with an attached note saying: Congratulations on your new location!"
Perplexing Paradox No. 1
A crocodile caught a kid and when kid's mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her a question - 'U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your kid . Otherwise i will eat him.' And the mother agreed. The clever mother made the statement - "You will eat my kid'. Now, the crocodile is in a dilemma of what to do.
Perplexing paradox No. 2
A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The king said ' You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and if not you will be hanged ' . The clever bandit chief replied ' I will be hanged'. The king got into a dilemma of what to do.
Perplexing paradox No. 3
Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee the day i win my first case in the court'. Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me.And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way i will have to get the money ". Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of law, i don't have to pay
anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher anything ".

BEST ANCHOR JOKES

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!" After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. "You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly. "No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy." "That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely. "But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you
came to be such an outstanding shot." "Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how  bout this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to thistorment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

AMERICANIZATION JOKES

u don't open a telephone conversation with a HELLO but with a "Hi"
The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".
U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".
U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".
U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.
U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".
U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".
Your tire never "punctures", U may have a "flat".
The trains have "coaches" or "boggies' no more but "carriages" or "boxes".
There R no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations".
"I don't know nothing", 2 negatives don't make a positive here.
U no longer meet a "wonderful" person, U meet a "cool" guy
U don't pull the switch down to light a bulb,rather flick it up.
There's no "Business Area" only "business districts", and no "districts" but "counties".
No one stays "a stone's throw away", might"a few blocks away". There's no "Town Side", it's "Down Town". In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by "cheque", rather ask for "check" and pay with (Dollar) "bill"s. There R no "soft drinks", only "sodas". Life's no longer "miserable" it "stinks". U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball". U don't "sweat it out", U "work U'r butt off". Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them. U no longer live in "flats" or "blocks", find an "apartment". U don't stand in a "queue", you are in a "line". U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it. "#" is not "hash", it's "pound". U R not "deaf", U have "impaired hearing". U R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged". U R not "disgusting" U R "sick". U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped". U don't "schedule" a meeting, U "skejule" it. U never "joke", U just "kid". U never "increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up. U never ask for a pencil "rubber" U ask for an eraser. a rubber is a condom U don't try to find a lift U find an elevator. U no more ask for a route but for a "RAUT"U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?"U never go to see a game U go to watch a game. If U see "World" champions(or Series),read "USA"champions(or Series).
There's no "zero" but "o", no "Z" but "zee". There's no FULL STOP after a statement, there's a PERIOD. If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed".You don't say "How do you do", you say "How you doin" In short U don't speak English, U speak American.Well u dont' say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!

BOSS AUR ROBERT JOKES

Boss : Raabert!
Rab : Yes, bass?
Boss : Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab : Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss : Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.
Robert : boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit : Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling's typing.
Ajeet : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert : Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet : Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet : Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet : Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone
milana.
Raabert : Yes Boss.
Ajeet: : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa
hamare kabze mein
hai .......
A SCENE 
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed. Ajeet :Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.Timer ko teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"

BEST HINDI JOKES

Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddaree kee hai..
Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein hmt ki ghadi pehnaado.
Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.
Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bathaana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka mehmaan hai.
Raabert : Baas, Sona kahan hai? (Where is the gold?)
Ajeet : Saara beach hamaara hai. Kahi bhee so jao raabert.
Raabert and Ajeet are escaping in a boat and suddenly there's a hole in the boat and water starts coming in. Raabert is anxious.
Raabert : Ab kya hoga baas...?
Ajeet : Ek aur hole kardo, Raabert...
Raabert : Ek aur hole..?!!
Ajeet : Ek hole pe 'IN' likh do aur doosre hole par 'OUT' likh do. Paani
IN mein aayega aur
OUT se baahar jaayega...
Ajeet : Is gaddaar ko shaampein mein dubaa do.
Raabert : Lekin kyon, baas?
Ajeet : 'Shame se' nahin to 'Pain' se mar jaayega...
Mona comes in with a proposal to get married
Mona : Baas, Humne Toni se shaadi karni hai
Ajeet : Mona yeh bilkul nahi ho sakta
Mona : Lekin baas, yeh kyon?
Ajeet : Mona, tumne agar Toni se shaadi ke to yahan bahut monatony ho jaigi.
Mona goes ahead, gets married and has twin boys

Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkae hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye pehle ka Peter aur
doosra Repeater
Later, Mona has twin girls
Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkiya hua hai.
Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye - pehli ka Kate aur doosri
DupliKate
Raabert : Baas, mein aaj kaam pe nahin aaoonga. Mujhe stomach ache
hai.
Ajeeth : Abay bavakoof ! Har kisi ko stomach ek hi hotha hai.
Ajeeth : Raabert, is gaddhar ko is duniya se aazad kar dho. Iski
laash ko Police Estation
ke saamne phenk dho. Aur is ke side mein ek suyi bhonk dho.
Raabert : Lekin baas side mein suyi kyon ?
Ajeeth : Thake Police samjhe ki ye suyiside hai.
Raabert : Baas meri beevi ko theen ladke payida ho gaye hai. Mein
inka naam kya rakhoon
Ajeeth : Phele ka naam Peter rakho, dusre ka naam Repeater rakho
aur theesre ka naam
Chin Chin Choo rakhko.
Raabert : Lekin baas thesre ka naam Chin Chin Choo kyon ?
Ajeeth : Are bevakoof, woh isliye ke duniya mein har theesra
bachha Chinese hotha hai.
Mickey Mouse : Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet : Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert : yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet : Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap
samazh me
ayegee!
Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet : Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.
Raabert : kyon baas?
Ajeet : Fill it,shut it,forget it!

SOFTWARE HUSBAND JOKES

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) "Good evening Dear, I'm now
logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or file name.
Wife : But I told you in the morn...
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being
funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!...
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use...
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

Unwanted Answered Jokes

A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly

emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he’d outpace the cop, the

man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car’s speed rose to sixty, then

seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and

pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.

The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: ‘Listen, Mister, I

have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good

excuse and I’ll let you go.’

The man thought for a moment and said: ‘Three weeks ago my wife ran off

with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were

that officer and were trying to give her back to me.’

No ticket.

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Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a

well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. ‘Give me your money,’ he

demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, ‘You can’t do this—I’m a politician!’

‘In that case,’ replied the robber, ‘give me my money!’

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An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. ‘The lift will be
down presently,’ the receptionist told him.
‘The lift?’ said the American. ‘Oh, you mean the elevator.’
‘No, I mean the lift.’ replied the Englishman.
‘I think I should know what it is called,’ said the American. ‘Elevators were
invented in the States.’
‘Perhaps,’ retorted the Englishman. ‘But we invented the language.‘
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A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked, ‘How many times
have you been imprisoned?’
‘Nine, you Honour.’
‘Nine? In this case, I will give you the maximum sentence.’
‘Maximum sentence?’ said the defendant. ‘Don’t you give your regular clients
a discount’.
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The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical
examination.
‘The best thing for you to do,’ the doctor said, ‘is give up drinking and
smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women.’
‘Doctor, I don’t deserve the best,’ said the patient. ‘What’s next best?’

Best answered jokes

When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he

turned her down, saying: ‘Your salary is already higher than that of the

secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.’

‘Excuse me,’ the efficient woman replied, ‘I thought we got paid for what we

produce here—not for what we produce at home in our own time.’

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Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a

bomb, which one of them had in his lap.

‘Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute,’ said the man carrying

the explosive.

‘Don’t worry,’ the driver assured him, ‘we have got a spare one in the boot.’

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A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came

charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly

continued his milking.

To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy,

turned around and walked away . ‘We are n’ot you afraid?’ one of the workers

asked the boy.

‘Not at all,’ the boy replied , ‘I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.’

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A patient complains to a famous psychologist: ‘Professor, I'’ve been having

terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.’

‘Who’s been treating you until now?’

‘Dr Lal Rathor.‘

‘I see. He’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do.’

‘To come and see you.’

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For their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She

was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next

day she was out shopping when the phone rang.

‘Hey, darling,’ he husband said. ‘How do you like your new phone?’

‘Oh, I just love it!’ she gushed. ‘It’s so cute and small—and your voice sounds

so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.’

‘What’s that?’

‘How did you know I was at the sari shop?’

Beautiful Indian jokes

Three Lawyer & Engineers

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.

At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought

only one ticket between them.

‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer.

‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.

When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e

engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly

after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet

door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single

arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved

on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.

So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their

astonishment, the engineers didn'’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel

without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.

‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer.

In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers

into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out

of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’

Tourist In India

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.
“Twenty years,” replied the guide.
‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have
been built in five.’
At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.
‘Only ten years,’ said the guide.
The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.’
In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t
know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”

HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.

"You should know some Real facts about India"

A. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

B. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

C. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than    10,500 students from all   over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The    University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest     achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

D. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

E. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast  regaining its rightful place in our civilization.


F. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century.

G. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The Very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.

H. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart.; Time taken by earth to orbit the sun:(5th century) 365.258756484 days.

I. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

J. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 1053(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number isTera 1012(10 to the power of 12).

K. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world.

L. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof. Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

M. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

N. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called 'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

O. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

P. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion,
metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

Q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley(Indus Valley Civilization)

R. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

The great British Comedy Movie

The Kid (Movie of Joys, Comedy movie)



The Great British comedy

Great Indian Comedy-Sunil Paul

Anna Hasa Re the Great comedy by Sunil Paul

Chala Mussadi-Office Office(The Blast Comedy)

The Great Indian comedy movie.

Padosan The Old Bollywood comedy Movie

  Bumboo (The great Indian comedy movie)

Hot lady jokes

This guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. "Pint please," the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game, soon after the local team score a goal and the dog goes beserk dancing round the bar and doing back flips.
"Wow," the barmen says, clearly impressed. "What does he do when we win?" "I don't know, I've only had him five years" the man replies!

Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

Question: How is the male bee tell that one fly sitting on the tea cup to the female
bee?
Answer:ABCDE (Just think)
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Answer: You find footprints in your pudding!

Five tips for a woman...
It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
It is important that a man makes you laugh.
It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
It is important that these four men don't know each other!

Three old ladies arrive at heaven's gate. St. Peter: 'Have you been good?' First old lady: 'O yes, I went to church every day and never fooled around with men'. 'You shall be a morning star'. Second old lady: 'I went to church on Sundays and fooled around with men a little.' 'Then you shall be an evening star'. Third old lady,
defiantly: 'I must admit I went out with men a lot and had a lot of fun, too!' 'Then you shall be a comet, because a little bit of tail never hurt anyone.

Dog Jokes

A dog walks into a job centre and goes up to the woman at the desk. He says "hello,
I'm looking for work." The woman looks up, amazed, and says "Blimmin' hell, a
talking dog! Er, well, the circus is in town. I'll give them a ring."
The dog says "the circus? what the heck would the circus want with a plumber?" 

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful,
enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be
the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three, she decides to be kind and
tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an
imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and
cheese." 

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence
whatsoever." She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever.
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever. "My, my," said the
Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
"How about you, little guy?" 

The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell
Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the
Lab and says,
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

SANTA SING AND STUDENTS

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned
for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the
inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE
MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an
Page 10 of 37
english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa
Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation

Alphbet Jokes

Jokes for Kids
Which 3 letters of the alphabet make everything in the world move?
NRG (energy!)
Why is B very cool?
Because it is sitting in the AC!
What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi!
What letters did the boy say when he saw the empty table?
O-I-C-U-R-M-T!
What did A and B get in the music store?
A CD!
Which two letters are always jealous?
N-V!
What letter in the alphabet is always surprised?
The letter G!
What letter is always wet?
C!
Fred: There are only 11 letters in the alphabet.
George: No, there aren’t.
Fred: Yes, there are. T-H-E-A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
What begins with T ends with T and is filled with tea?
A teapot!
What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years?
The letter M!

Old Jokes

Chemistry Class

A chemistry professor wants to teach his students about the evils of alcohol. So he designs an experiment that involves a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, closely observe the worms," says the professor as he puts one in each liquid. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The worm in the whiskey writhes about in pain, then curls up and sinks to the bottom of the glass dead.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asks.
A wag at the quickly raises his hand and says, "If you drink whiskey and you won't get
worms."

Drinking buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs and get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and
yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?'... and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

The Fire truck

A fireman is working on an engine outside the station when he sees a little girl riding down the street. She’s in a little red fire engine with ladders on the side and a garden hose coiled in the middle. She’s wearing a fire fighter's helmet and her dog and her cat are pulling the wagon. The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"That’s nice fire truck," he says admiringly. "Thanks. Mister Fireman," the girl replies.The fireman notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Hey Partner," says the fireman, "If you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go a lot faster." The girl replies sweetly, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.”

Hollywood Jokes

1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
8. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Don't Tell Lie

Johnny Can not Tell a Lie

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was walking to school with his girlfriend. He was trying to impress her, so he said, "I bet you I can push my father's outhouse into the river." She didn't agree with him, so he proved her wrong. Impressed, she walked the rest of the way to school hand in hand with Johnny. That day at school, they studied the story about George Washington and the cherry tree. The moral that they learned was "never tell a lie." 

After school, Johnny went home. When he walked in the door, his dad met him. He said, "Son, did you push my outhouse into the river?"Johnny said, "Dad, I want to be like George Washington and never lie, yes, I did."
And his dad beat him from one end of the house to the other. You could have read the newspaper off of Johnny's rear end. After Johnny was finished sobbing, he asked, "Dad, why did you whoop me? I didn't lie. George Washington cut down the cherry tree and didn't lie about it, and he didn't get a whooping." Johnny's dad looked at him and said, "Son, I bet George Washington's dad wasn't sitting in that cherry tree when he cut it down, was he?”

Hold Me

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ''I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.''
The husband says, ''WHAT??'' The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ''But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it.''
Hot Revenge
Hold Me

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.
She says ''Okay, I'm ready, let's go to the cash register.'' The husband says, ''No - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff.''
The wife's face goes blank. ''No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.'’

A Few Philisophical Statements...

 A Few Philosophical Statements...

Always take the time to smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek... nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest just before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors' newspaper, that's the time to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and fewer still to ignore someone completely. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis. It takes a big man to cry.. .but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.When I'm feeling down I like to whistle... it makes my neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Bad Car Day

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?”

A Definite Definition

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt." She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes
the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and
pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy,

Prince Charles

Charles and Camilla

Prince Charles is returning to the Royal Palace at Windsor when he runs over two of the Queen’s favourite corgis. They are both flat as fan cake and while wondering what to do, a Genie appears. “As the future King of England,” says the Genie, “I will grant you one wish.” “Thank God for that,” thinks Charles, “please resuscitate these corgis or one’s mum will have my guts for garters.” The Genie looks at the two squashed corgis anxiously and scratches his head. “Don’t you have another wish?” asks the genie, “The corgis are mashed!” “Well says Charles there is one thing could you make Camilla look beautiful?” “Hum,” says the genie, “let me have another look at those corgis.”

Women talk 

Two married women are talking and one says to her pal,
“My husband tried to put the magic back into our love life last night.”
“Really!” says her friend.
“Yep, but his wand wasn’t up to it.”

A sage knows that… “A man with a watch always knows what time it is, but a man with
two watches is never sure what time it is.

A guy had a short story that everyone agreed was rubbish. So he decided to re-write it
as a poem. When he handed out his new work for review, everyone agreed that it had
gone from bad to verse!

few funny jokes

A bloke walks into a pub and shouts, “Has anyone heard any royal rumors today?”
“I say,” says one of the customers, “I’ll be buggered if I repeat any of those...”

Two blokes are in the pub and ones says to his pal, “Do you know, all those stories about oysters being good for your sex life are total crap! I had a dozen last night and only eight of them worked.”

The bridge club
While a woman is waiting for the members of the bridge club to arrive she accidentally lets rip with a massive fart. The scent is unmistakable, so she fishes out a can of air freshener and hurriedly sprays the room.
Minutes later her pal arrives. Sniffing the air as she walks in the front door, she candidly announces, “Christ! What have you been doing in here? It smells like someone’s shit in a pine tree!”

HondaEvery time a guy farts the word Honda flutters from his arse. Going to the doctors he demonstrates the phenomenon, which doesn’t surprise the doctor in the slightest. The doctor simply asks the man to open his mouth where he finds a tooth abscess. The Doc quickly lances the abscess and the man’s problem is cured!
“That’s amazing,” says the patient. “How did you know what to do?”
“Simple,” says the Doc. “Everyone knows that an abscess makes the fart go Honda.”

The fancy restaurantA woman is sitting in a fancy restaurant with some friends when she let’s go a massive
fart. The waiter is standing behind her, so she loudly says,
“Waiter, will you please stop that!”
“Certainly madam,” says the waiter. “Which way did you sent it?”

Old timers
Two old timers are sitting on a bench watching the world go by on a warm spring day,
“You know,” says one of them, “I may be 75, but on a day like today, it feels great to be
alive. I feel like a newborn baby. How do you feel?”
His pal replies, “Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby as well. I’ve No hair, No teeth, and
I think I’ve just pissed my pants!”

funny question and answer jokes

Q: Why do women fart after they pee?
A: They can’t shake it, so they blow-dry it!

Q: How do you know when a plane if full of female passengers?
A: When it lands and they turn off the engine the whining doesn’t stop.

Q: What’s the definition of optimism?
A: An England Cricket Batsman that applies sun block before batting.

Q: What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A: They drowned during Spring Training.

Q: How do we know that Dracula is a vampire?
A: In the census he stood up to be counted.

Q: Why has Dracula got heartburn?
A: He had too much steak!

Q: What’s black shiny and sails the seven seas?
A: Bin-Bag the sailor.

Q: What did Charles find difficult about going on his trip to Arabia?
A: Leaving his servants behind.

Q: Why does Charles find his butler so attractive?
A: Have you seen Camilla?

Q: What should you do if you’re a passenger is a car that’s acting funny?
A: Check the nut behind the wheel!

Q: What did the cannibal say as he ate an explorer?
A: Doctor Livingstone I consume!

Q: What do you give to a distressed lemon?
A: Lemonade

Q: A man is thinking about playing golf in the morning, so what did he do?
A: Play, in dew course.

Male-Female jokes

The Top Ten Reasons Computers Must Be Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter!

The Top Ten Reasons Computers Must Be Female 
10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what’s wrong, they say "nothing"
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. They always turn simple statements into big problems.
4. Smalltalk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild!

Lazy Workmen

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick
them into doing some work for a change.
“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the
laziest man please put his hand up.”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.
“Too much trouble,” came the reply.

English daughter's jokes

The three daughter’s 
Three daughters live with their very protective father and all of them get there first day on the same night.
When the doorbell rings. The father gets out his 12-gauge shotgun, opens the door and yells, “What do you want!”
The first boy replies, “My name is Freddie and I’m here for Betty. We’re going to eat spaghetti, is she ready?”
The father calls Betty and they go out.
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings again. The father gets out his 12-gauge shotgun,
opened the door and yells, “What do you want!”
The second boy replies, “My name is Joe, and I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready?”
Flo comes running down stairs and off they go.
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings again. The father gets out his 12-gauge shotgun,
opens the door and yells, “What do you want!”
The third boy replies, “Well... my name is Chuck...”
BANG!
New watch
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a
quick glance and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” says the guy, “I’ve just bought this telepathic watch and I’m testing it.”
“Telepathic watch, what's so special about it?" The intrigued woman asks.
“Well,” says the guy, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me.”
“So, what's it telling you now?"
“It says you’re not wearing any knickers.”
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing
knickers!"
“Damn,” says the guy,  ”it must be an fast again."
Cricket
A guy is at home with the missus when he hears a knock at the door. He opens it and finds his pal Steve clutching his hands between his legs.
“What’s wrong Steve?” He asks.
“I’ve just been hit by a bloody cricket ball!”
“Quick come in and I’ll get the wife to look at it for you.”
A few minutes later in the kitchen the guy finds his wife bathing his friend’s dick and balls with iced water.
“God Dam!” He thinks, “How do you feel Steve?”
Steve turns to his mate with a big grin and says, “What your wife’s done has really
helped a lot. But I still think I’m going to loose will my finger nail.”

Few Question Answer Jokes

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead!

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer!

Q: Why do English Footballers make better lovers than French and German Footballers?
A: The English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 Minutes and still come
second!

Q: What have the England Football team and a 3-pin plug got in common?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie?
A: A dog that’ll savage your leg and then run off to fetch a doctor.

Did you hear about the blonde that took her first bicycle back to the store where she
bought it? She said it was defective as every time she tried to ride it, it fell over.

Q: How many perverts does it take to put a light bulb in?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire casualty department to get it out.

Did you hear about the orchestra leader that was nearly stuck by lightning?
The audience put his escape down to him being a poor conductor.

Q: What did Sir Lancelot say when he arrive at a hotel?
A: Have you got a bed for a Knight?

Thought for the day: The day Microsoft makes something that doesn’t suck is the day
they start making vacuum cleaners.

Met a gorgeous Dutch girl with inflatable shoes.
I rang her up before but she had popped her clogs.

hot hot hot jokes

How to Survive

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" 

he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food,matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked
the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 

"Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

Traveling

A traveler is in the desert when he sees two local men castrating camels. One of the local’s backs the camel up to a guy holding two bricks. The guy holding the bricks then smashes them together to castrating the camel. After recovering from the sympathetic pain in his crotch the traveler walks over to the guy holding the bricks.
“Doesn’t that hurt?" He asks. "No, No,” replies the local, “as long as you keep your thumbs out of the way."

Three Friends

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde are talking one day.
The Russian says, "You know, we were the first in space!"
The American says, "Well, we were the first on the moon!"
To which the blonde replies, "That’s nothing, Blondes are going to be the first on the
sun!" The Russian and the American looks at each other and smile.
"You can't land on the sun, you'll burn up!" says the Russian.
The Blonde replies, "Duh! We're not stupid! We're going when it’s night time!" 

Beautiful Answers

John: “When I was young doctor life was terrible. All I had to wear was hand-me-down clothes. Do you think my problems stem from that?”
Psychiatrist: “I doubt it. What’s so terrible about hand-me-down?”
John: “I’ve only got is older sisters.”

Mick: “Mack, did the wife have much to say about you coming home drunk last night?”
Mack: “Na, but that didn’t stop her from talking for two hours at breakfast.”

Mother: “Don’t call your sister is stupid! Tell her you’re sorry!”
Son: “OK I’m sorry you're stupid, Sis!”
 
Son: “Dad! Mum’s just backed the car out of the garage and run my bicycle over!”
Dad: “Well that’ll teach you not to leave it on the front lawn.”
 
Lady: “I’d like a pair of alligator shoes please.”
Assistant: “OK. What size does your alligator take?”
 
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
If you want to remember, become a creditor.

Joe: “What kind of dog is that you’ve got?”
Bill: He’s a pure blooded police dog.”
Joe: “Wow, he doesn’t don't look like a police dog!”
Bill: “Of course he doesn’t! He does undercover work!”

Teacher: “Ok who class, who can tell me how the counties of England got their names?”
Johnnie: Miss, Miss! Did they name them after cricket teams?

Alternative definitions

Avoidance: I don't want to go to the dance.

Concourse: A golf course for criminals

Optimist: Happy fog.

Pessimist: Sad fog.

Sandbar: Where beach bums get drunk.

Submit: Wet glove.

Subside: Side of the ocean.

Survey: Map making knight.

Flatulent: A property that that your mate is living it.

Amplitude: Loudspeaker with an attitude.

Monsoon: A Caribbean teenage boy

Appointment: The business end of an assassin's knife.

Approximate: A stand-in for a regular friend.
 
Coffee, a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted, appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate, to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade, to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, impotent

Negligent, describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightie.

Lymph, to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle, an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence, the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.

Balderdash, a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle, a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude, the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately
before he examines you.

Oyster, a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent, the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Barby Doll, A doll with sharp steel spikes.

funny letter

Excerpts from letters sent to landlords… 

1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."

2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."

3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."

4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."

5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife
tripped on it and is now pregnant."

8. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to
drink."

9. "Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page pensioner and
need it straight away."

10. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and
made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

Super Hot Jokes

The Antique Furniture Dealer

An antique furniture dealer, Rose Wood, was a Chippendale off the old block. She had a great sense of humor and was always telling oaks! Sometimes she maple our leg a little too much! 

Rumors said that she was a sexy woman, and that many a man wood filler crack. But others said there’s knot a grain of truth in that.

It’s certainly true that she broke few hearts, as guys wood pine for her. She liked men with polish. She liked men that didn’t go against the grain. Often she’d be dating a guy and they wood varnish mysteriously. It’s suggested that she wood be helping him put a spit shine his hardwood.

The true love of her life was a carpenter and an expert at tongue and groove. He helped her restore her prized position a black box. He spent hours polishing her box lovingly and she thanked him for it, by waxing lyrical about his wood.

I will cedar point to you – She was familiar with softwoods, but she enjoyed a hardwood more than any thing!

The accident

A husband gets a phone call from the hospital saying that his wife has been involved in a car accident and she's in a coma.He rushes to the hospital to be by her bedside and there he remains for over a week while the doctors are giving up hope but after being there for so long he was getting rather frisky so waits for the doctor to finish his checks and leave the room and his slips his hand under the covers and strokes his wife's leg when he thinks he sees her finger twitch. So he strokes her inner thigh moving upwards and he hears his wife moan.He rushes out of the room yelling for the doctor and tells him that what happened. The doctor takes him aside and suggests that if he tries oral sex, it may be bring his wife round and that he'll keep everyone out of the room so they can have some privacy. The husband excitedly goes into his wife's room and the doctors and nurses wait patiently outside in the corridor. A few minutes later the guy comes out looking pale, the doctor says "What's the matter?"
"She's dead"
"Well didn't you do as I suggested?"
"Yes Doctor but she choked!"

Tsunami The worst in India.

This movie is dedicated to those who have lost their people in Tsunami.

About this movie 

Genres:           Family, Adolescence, Indian Cinema 
Language:       Hindi 
Subtitles:         English 
Running time: 1:31:34

Bhago Bhoot

About this movie 

Genres:           Comedy, Drama, Indian Cinema 

Language:       Hindi 

Subtitles:         English

Running time:  1:22:36

Padosan (The Old Bollywood Comedy Movie)

 

About this movie 

Genres:           Indian Cinema, Comedy 
Language:       Hindi 
Running time: 2:29:57

Kumar Vishwas in Gujraat.

Kumar Vishwas first time in Jamia Milia

ANSWERS BY BRITISH STUDENTS

APPARENTLY ACTUAL ANSWERS BY BRITISH STUDENTS
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares!

Geography 
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts-the brainium, theborax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains
thebrain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O
and U.

Q: What does *varicose- mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport 

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word *judicious- in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word *benign- mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears.