Saturday, 25 May 2013

Best American Jokes


Best American Jokes
Jokes 1:(Jokes, Jokes,  Jokes, and Best American Jokes)
Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Robert Mugabe died & went straight to hell. 
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England , I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.  She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked 
"Well, devil how much do I owe you???? 
The devil ! says "Five million pounds" 
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair. 

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States , I want to see how everybody is doing there too" 
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? 
The devil says "Ten million dollars" 
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair. 

Robert Mugabe was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Zim too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk  to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody"..... 
He called Zim and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked &  talked, then he asked 
"Well, devil how much do I owe you???? 
The devil says "One Zim dollar". 
Mugabe is stunned & says "One dollar??? Only one dollar??" The devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local ". 

Jokes 2:
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices
that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

 She asks him why he is staring.

 He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want
to offend you.

 She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old
as I am  and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to
see and hear  just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or  ask that I would find offensive."

 "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

  She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

  #1, you have to be single and

  #2, you must be Catholic."

  The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single
and Catholic!

 OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

 The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that
would make a hooker blush.

 But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts

 "My! dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

 "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."

 The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to
a Halloween party."

Jokes 3 :
 After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists 
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the 
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one 
thousand years ago. 

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists 
dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists 
have found traces of 2000 year old optical fiber, and have concluded 
that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 
1000 years earlier than the Russians." 

One week later, the Sowetan newspaper from Johannesburg, South Africa 
reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 meters, Zulu 
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They concluded that 5000 
years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology." 

A man goes to the zoo.
When he gets there, there was only a dog.
It was a shitzu

 Jokes 4:
He was 80, she was 20.
It was the stir of the village when an 80-year-old man married a 20 year
old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out carrying a beautiful blonde-haired blue-eyed baby
boy to congratulate the old fella saying: "This is amazing.  How do you
do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

 The following year the young bride gave birth again The same nurse
said: "You are truly amazing. How do you do it?"

Again he said: "You've got the keep the old motor running." The same
thing happened the next year. The nurse then said: "Well, well, well,
you certainly are quite a man!"

He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse
then said: "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black!


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