Thursday, 23 May 2013

Sexy Jokes


Sexy Jokes 1

Two Lenasian cousins, Ravi and Pravesh, are walking down the street one day. 

They happen to come upon a crematorium. 

Ravi promptly asks Pravesh, "Hey no man my cousin, what's this crematorium thing?" 

Pravesh: "Hey no man, how must I know?" 

Ravi: "Well run in there and check it out!" 

Pravesh runs in, a couple minutes later he exits the crematorium severely beaten, covered in his own blood. Ravi(quite shocked, asks): "And now Pravesh, what happened to you man?" 

Pravesh: "No man, I go inside, right!" 

Ravi: "Right?" 

Pravesh: "I see all these sad people standing around, right?" 

Ravi: "Right?" 

Pravesh: "So I tune them, hey what's cooking?" 


Jokes 2
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact
with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one
with the tip of my finger."

St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and
pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you
ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and
stroked one."

St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass
through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and
one  girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she
reaches the front of the line St.
says, "Lisa! What! seems to be the rush?

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I
want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

Jokes 3
A Boertjie (Saffa Farm Boy), an Aussie and a Pommie were sitting in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them.

They were initially given the death sentence, but contested this and Were finally imprisoned for life. But as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:"It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you can not wish to not be whipped!"

The Pommie thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Pommie cried in pain. The Aussie saw thisand said: "Please tie 2 pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.

The Aussie stood up with a satisfied smirk on his face.

The Boertjie saw this but before he could make his wish, the Sheikh
said: "As you are from South Africa with all that terror and crime, a cricket team which is always losing in a final and the Amabokobokos who can't win anything, - you are permitted to have two wishes!"

The Boertjie thought for a second, then said: "Thank you most Royal and Merciful Highness. My first wish is to receive a hundred lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available."
"If you so desire," the Sheikh replies with a questioning look on his face,"and your second wish?"

"Tie the Aussie to my back..."

Jokes 4
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. 
They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. 
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! 
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. 
 It said: "Good till the last drop”. 

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. 
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans" 

Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size" 
 She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. 

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. 
 Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African  Airways" 
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA. 
  The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways." 

Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes

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