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Saturday, 4 May 2013

Bhai Ka Resume

Joke: Bhai Ka Resume

Name: Pakya Bhai Supariwala

Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:
- B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
- M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:
- Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990 - Aug 1991
- Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
- Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent No. 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987 - July1990
- Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
- Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections

Honors and Achievements:
- Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
- Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
- Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar and U.P.
- Strong hold on Govt. and NGOs.
- Specialized in extortion, illegal construction business and fake academic degree supply.

References:
- Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai


Joke: A pregnant woman and a young man
A pregnant woman boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing.

She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: William’s Stick Did The Trick.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.

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