Monday, 27 May 2013

A Joke Duke-Archer Jokes

A Joke (A Joke, A Joke, A Joke, A Joke)

A Joke 1 :
A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow."Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boycarrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly. "No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.""That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The
boy thanked him profusely."But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.""Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target
around it."***********************************************************************
A Joke 2:
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" 
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A Joke 3 :
A new business was opening, and a long-time friend of the owner decided to send flowers for the occasion. He arrived at the "grand opening", accepted a glass of champagne and a warm handshake from his host, then browsed about the room examining the many floral arrangements and potted plants. Finally, he happened upon his own offering, only to find an attached card bearing this sentiment: "Rest in Peace" 
Embarrassed and irate at the florist's error, he phoned to lodge a complaint. After venting his anger in a lengthy tirade, he waited impatiently for the florist's explanation. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry....imagine this: Somewhere a funeral is taking place today, and they have a lovely floral spray with an attached note saying: Congratulations on your new location!"
Perplexing Paradox No. 1
A crocodile caught a kid and when kid's mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her a question - 'U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your kid . Otherwise i will eat him.' And  the mother agreed. 
The clever mother made the statement - "You will eat my kid'. Now, the crocodile is in a dilemma of what to do.
Perplexing paradox No. 2
A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The king said ' You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and if not you will be hanged ' .   The clever bandit chief replied ' I will be hanged'.  The king got into a dilemma of what to do.
Perplexing Paradox No. 3
Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee.  The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee the day i win my first case in the court'. Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way i will have to get the money ". 
Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of law, i don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher anything ".
Blonde Joke
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bay liner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.  After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

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