Friday, 27 January 2012

Girl Talk

First Girl: “How did you get on with that blind date you met last night?”
Second Girl: “O, he made a lasting impression alright.”
First Girl: “So you’ll be seeing him again then?”
Second Girl: “No. Out side the restaurant, he stepped in wet cement!”
First Girl: “So how did you get on with that bloke you took back to your hotel room last night?”
Second Girl: “O, It was a disaster! He suffered from premature evacuation.”
First Girl: “What? You mean ejaculation, right?”
Second Girl: “No I mean evacuation. The fire alarm went off.”
Guy: I’m a doctor, what is your appendix doing tonight? I’d love to take it out.
Girl: Very funny. You should be on the television then I could turn you off.
Guy: I’m a magician. Would you like me to perform a spell for you?
Girl: OK, can you make yourself disappear?
Guy: I’m a photographer for a model agency: I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
Girl: Yea and I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
Guy: I’m a postman, so you can rely on me to deliver a large package.
Girl: Sorry, I don’t date guys that only come once a day.
Guy: Are you free tomorrow night?
Girl: No, but I’m on special offer the day after.
Guy: What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Girl: Trying to avoid scum like you.
Guy: Where have you been all my life?
Girl: What do you mean - I wasn’t even born for the first half of it.
Guy: Can I spend the evening with you?
Girl: No. I gave up baby-sitting years ago.
Guy: Cheer up darling, it may never happen.
Girl: What do you mean? It just has.
Guy: Do you know what would look good on you?
Girl: No?
Guy: Me.
Guy: Going so soon? Stay a little longer and let me get you a drink.
Girl: Just give me the cash, I’ll get one tomorrow.
Guy: Hey, don’t go yet... you’ve forgotten something.
Girl: What?
Guy: Me.
Guy: I have designs on you.
Girl: Yea, well I think you’d better go back to the drawing board.
Guy: Hi, I never forget a face.
Girl: Neither do I, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
Guy: I’d like to marry you.
Girl: I’d rather skip straight to the divorce, some you can give me half of you money.
Guy: I’d like to see more of you.
Girl: I’d like you to see less of me ‘cause I’m on a diet.
Guy: I’d like to take you to dinner.
Girl: Sounds good. Will you be able to pick me up again afterwards?
Guy: Kiss me and I’ll tell you a secret.
Girl: I know your secret pal - I work at the clinic.
Guy: Hi my name is Frank. You’ll want to remember that so you know what to scream
Girl: Yea, you do look like an axe murderer.
Guy: Want to go all the way baby?
Girl: Yea, as long as it’s in different directions.
Guy: Shall we go to your place or mine?
Girl: Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.
Guy: When should I phone you?
Girl: Whenever I’m not there.
Guy: Would you like another drink?
Girl: Do you really think our relationship will last that long?
Guy: Would you like to join me?
Girl: Why, are you falling apart?
Guy: You seem to me like a nice girl.
Girl: That’s right! And it’s why I won’t go anywhere near you.
Guy: Your face is absolutely perfect.
Girl: So is yours ... for radio work.

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